All Things Made New.

I wonder if Jesus, seeing the consequences of His actions, ever wished He had just shut up while He was ahead. I wonder if this thought ever went through His head: “I just should’ve never said anything, because now they’re all gone and no one gets it.” I wonder if He was ever tempted to apologize for causing so much “trouble” for the sake of some false, oddly comforting sense of unity. I wonder if He was tempted to chase down the people who didn’t want it and just say, “Listen, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you mad. I won’t talk about it anymore. Just please don’t go.” Because…that’s exactly how I’m feeling, and how I’ve been feeling for a long time. But today, it’s come to a culmination. I want so badly to just apologize and say I was totally wrong to the people I love that are offended at me and what God has called me to do, just for the sake of still having them in my life. I don’t want to let go. I don’t want to let them go. I keep looking at my own mistakes in how I handled different situations, hoping they’re enough to mean maybe I was so totally wrong and if I apologize, everything will be okay. I really wish it was me, because then at least I could be the one to fix it.

John 6:41-71 really comforts me right now. To know that Jesus felt exactly what I’m feeling, but didn’t give in and compromise His calling and His message for the sake of people not being offended at Him, that silences all my doubts about whether or not I’m doing things the “right” way. I can hear the hurt in His voice in verse 67, when He asks the remaining twelve, “Are all of you going to leave Me, too?” Can you hear it? Just..total despair that people He loved and wanted to see free had chosen their own slavery over being set free. However, verse 64 says He knew that most of them would not believe and would abandon Him after He said what He was going to say. The kicker here is this….He said it anyway.

As much as it hurts to continue losing people I love, respect, and look up to, if they refuse to renew their minds, I cannot compromise my freedom and the reality of the Gospel, however uncomfortable it may be, just to have some sort of “friendship” with people who, when it really comes down to it, do not honor me, Jesus in me, or the gifts He has bestowed upon me. As tempted as I am to take it personally, I know that I can’t. Because this isn’t about me. This is about God’s Church not seeing Jesus in themselves, which is why we refuse to see it in each other. So I’m not going to blame anyone. I’m going to even more relentlessly destroy the mindsets the devil has put on God’s people to keep them from living in their destinies. And I’m going to equip the people around me to see the perfection of Jesus in His Church, at least, the people who want the Kingdom more than they want to nurse their own carnal fear of stepping outside their comfort zones. 

So go ahead, keep misunderstanding me. You will not stop me.